Some Self Hatred Honesty

Tuesday, 11 June 2019

One of the most popular questions I receive would be "why do you always hide your face in pictures?". If you follow me on Instagram you'll notice that most of my fashion pictures only include my body, a recurring theme but not one I originally wanted to go for. I always preach self confidence and that but the reason I can't take your normal fashion influencer pictures is because, well, I don't have any myself. Trust me I would love to be able to have my friends take photos of me in the clothes I post and I know me hiding my face in most of them definitely stumps my growth and stops a lot of brands from wanting to work with me, it disappoints me constantly that I just can't do it but I guess that's life.

I thought I'd include one of the rare pictures of me taken for my Instagram, and even now I hate it and just want to scribble a massive X over my face so no one has to see it. I've tried so many times to do it but in reality I just don't like how I look enough. I don't want anyone's sympathy because nothing anyone says to me will change anything, I just wanted to be honest because at the end of the day that's most of the reason my blog grew. My readers loved my honesty, and there hasn't been any of that over here in a while so here I am, being little old honest me. My face makes me feel like I want to vomit up my tears and drown an entire country in them and as I said I don't want people feeling sorry for me or telling me I'm beautiful because it would be entirely pointless. 

If I want people to take anything from this post, I want it to be that you can follow your dreams even if you feel you aren't made for them or aren't enough. I'd give anything to be able to take pictures like everyone else does, it's something that upsets me a lot, especially given that I am a blogger and a fashion one at that. I go on Instagram and would give anything to be able to post fashion pictures with my face in them but I'm not sure that's ever going to happen. But has it stopped me from becoming a fashion blogger? Hello no. I've worked with some amazing brands over my years of being a blogger and although there are some that will simply never happen, it doesn't change all the good things that have still come of it. I hope one day I can find some beauty in myself and bring myself to do it, life's too short for self hatred.. right?